Monday, August 27, 2007

Painful Decision

This is even difficult for me to type.....In eight days Daniel and Sarah will go to public school. This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. In fact, up until today I have been wavering back and forth, not committing myself to this decision. But today, it is set in stone. I turned in their registration papers, their grades from the last four years of home school, achievement test scores, immunization records, and so on. Tomorrow we will do something we have never done before, go school shopping. I have to say, I feel.....well, sad. I have loved every day of homeschooling my kids (well not every day, but most days). It has been a true blessing, and I'm really having a hard time moving forward with this decision. The decision to home school in the first place came so easily, so naturally. Daniel had attended a wonderful private pre-school and kindergarten. During Christmas break of kindergarten, we had such a special time together. It felt so good to have him home with me again for the entire day. Daniel, Sarah and I baked Christmas cookies and made cards and ornaments for friends. They had so much fun getting everything ready for Christmas (my favorite time of year). As Christmas break was winding down, my sweet little five year old said, "mom, do I have to go back to school? Why can't I just stay home with you?" Well of course I told him yes, you do have to go back to school. But it was the second part of his question that kept bothering me. Why can't he stay home with me? Why are we pushing him out the door when he just wants to be with his mom and dad? What is wrong with a child wanting to spend more time with his parents? We should be embracing that. We need to be teaching him all we can while he is teachable and wants to learn from us, and while he still wants to be around us. Towards the end of kindergarten Jon and I were faced with a dilemma, his teacher recommended Daniel repeat kindergarten. And we totally agreed. Daniel was a late bloomer, a little immature for his age, and had a hard time paying attention for long periods of time. I had spent a lot of time volunteering in his class, and I saw how maturity-wise he wasn't ready for first grade, but academically he was fine. So, we made the decision to home school him for first grade. That way he could move forward academically, and just mature socially in his own time. Now, I am not your typical home school mom. First of all , I do wear make-up and I do not wear a fanny pack. Second, I have NO friends who home school. In fact, every one around me thought I was crazy. Instead of being met with support and encouragement, I was met with remarks like, "hmmm, that's interesting" or "do you have experience with childhood education?" or "how will your child socialize?" "Is that legal?" and even "children need to be in public school to be a witness and a light" and many other critical comments and questions. It's funny how when you send your little six year old off to school for 7 hours a day, no one asks you about the qualifications of his teacher or what curriculum they will be using, or why you made that decision. It's just the norm, kids go to school, and no one questions it. But when you step outside the norm, everyone has an opinion to offer. Well, no one knows a child better then his mother. I knew exactly how Daniel learned and the best ways he processed information. The rest is history, Daniel took off academically and benefited greatly from the one on one teaching. And two years later, Sarah joined our little family school, and it was completely wonderful. OK, I'm tearing up right now. The best part of the last four years was the amount of time we had together. There was no mad rush in the morning to get out the door. We usually would have a big breakfast and stay in our PJ's for quite a while. The kids would have time to read their Bibles before we started school. I loved the winters, when it was dark and rainy outside, the kids would lay on a blanket by the fire and do their work. In the spring, we would go outside and do our school work in the sun. In the fall, we would go to the pumpkin patch in the middle of a week day, and have the whole place to ourselves. Same with Omsi, The Gilbert House and Riverfront Park. There's nobody there during the week! Everyone's in school, it's great! We would go skiing on a week day, or go to the coast for a few days in the middle of the week, of course taking our school work with us. There was always time for conversation. Daniel is now ten, and in the past five years, I have been asked many startling questions, some where I tried not to let him see the panic on my face when he asked them. But you know what, he would have never been able to ask me those questions if he had been in school all day. There were so many teachable moments and meaningful conversations, and the three of us have truly bonded. I found it sad when I would hear my friends say they didn't know what to do with their kids in the summer, because they weren't used to having them home all day, every day. But at the same time I found myself envying my neighbor as I watched her leave at 8:30 am with her kids for school, and return home in a few minutes all by herself. What might that be like I would wonder. Spending all day at home by yourself? Oh the places I could go, the things I could do and accomplish! But I knew, for my kids (I don't think it's right for everyone), homeschooling was the best thing for them. I saw the benefits daily, and it was worth the sacrifice of my own social freedom. I've never had to get use to not having my kids around. They have always been with me, at the grocery store, the post office, the doctor's office, Macy's shoe department, Nordstrom's shoe department, Target, Starbuck's......wherever I go, they go. I am going to miss Daniel and Sarah come September 4th. I will miss teaching them and watching them learn. I will miss our leisurely mornings, as I know we have many hectic ones ahead. But it was a wonderful season, and I am struggling emotionally that it is ending. I wish there was some way we could go a few more years, but for many complicated reasons, we can not. My dear sister-n-law gave me some great advice, in a nutshell: "When you make a decision that's hard, you hash out the pros and cons, and ultimately base your decision on logic and what makes the most sense (and of course much prayer). But the emotions don't always follow. Give yourself time for the emotions to come around. If they don't, and your still struggling, the kids are struggling, every one's miserable, then change it. You can always change your decision again. Do what's best for your family." So we're off! The winds of change are blowing. As of today, Jon is officially a solo officer (today is his first day on his own, without a training officer!!!), the kids are enrolled in public school, and I am looking for a part-time day job so I can finally quit the restaurant business after ten years of serving late into the night. We'll see where this road takes us! Thank you to anyone who read this rambling. I think I therapeutically wrote it for myself more than anything. May God bless you and your family, and may you continue to seek out His plan for your lives, never settling for complacency. And let Him be the One who directs your paths.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight
~Proverbs 3:5,6

Art Class
P.E. ClassMusic Class
Shop Class
Cooking ClassRecess

Recess in Sunriver
Recess In The Hot Tub At The Beach

First Grade Field Trip To Alaska With Dad
Field Trip To The StablesWhat a wonderful, precious time we had being home all together. I love this picture of Daniel and Olivia. I think about what it would have been like had Daniel and Sarah not been home schooled for Olivia's first two years. They would have missed out on so much. They all three have grown so close, and I'm just so thankful we were all able to spend so much time together, especially while they were little. Daniel will now be a strapping 5th grader, and Sarah a sweet and sassy 3rd grader!


Here We Go!!!

9 comments:

Lindsay said...

Wow Liz! Powerful writing and what a great entry to highlight the past few years.
You've instilled great things in your children that they will remember forever.
My mom home-schooled my sister and I for Kinder and 1st grade. It was a great foundation for both of us and a time my mom has always treasured. We transitioned into public school with little difficulty - I don't remember it being hard at all.
Anyway...enough said...
May God continue to bless you and show you His face during this new adventure!!
Blessings to you - and enjoy that "back to school" shopping! :)

Jen said...

Wow, Liz!

I found your blog from Becca's (small world)...in all of the years that I knew you guys through Shane and Malia, I never knew you homeschooled. Amazing.

I have a friend down here in Cali that has 6 boys, ages 7-14, and homeschools them all. It amazes me. I'm not a homeschool type, so that was never an option for us, but was one who would ONLY put my kids in private school. When Jeremy and I moved down to Pasadena, it was Parker's first year of Kinder, and we had planned on private school. Down here, once you get out of the realm of christian private preschool/kinder, grade school is about 10-20K a year per kid. So being full time students, it just wasn't an option for us. Against everything I planned since the birth of Parker, I put my boys in the public school here. Emotionally it was so difficult for me to do.

I share this not to take over the conversation, but hopefully to encourage you, it's been one of the best decisions we've ever made for them. Truly. God has protected my boys and both years they've been there, they have had amazing teachers, and are excelling academically in many areas.

I hate the whole "light and witness" guilt trips that pro public schoolers throw at you, but will say, I have been amazed at the relationships with other kids I have now, especially from those less fortunate. You will be able to be an encouragement to those kids, and I think you may be surprised at how much God uses your kids and your family in the school.

So, sorry to ramble...I think it's amazing that you've been able to be a successful homeschool mom for so many years, I SALUTE YOU! God bless you on the next phase of life, and on the journey. May God protect your heart as you follow Him.

Love, Jen Green

Valerie of Momia said...

Hi! My name is Valerie I write The Chronicals of Momia and Makayla Jae Marshall. I came across your blog through Becca's. (I feel weird about visiting other people's blogs and not letting the author know I do it. I feel like I'm spying!!) I'm sorry to hear that you were the only homeschooling mom in your church and that your decision to homeschool was challenged by criticism and questioning.

It sure looks like you were a great teacher and that your children learned in a way that children never will in the public school system. You gave them a great gift. I'm sure they will look back on their homeschooling days foundly.

"Good luck" to you and your children as you venture into this unknown world called "public school". I used to be a public school teacher (5 years, now a stay at home mom). If I may offer a little advice- get to know your children's teachers. Parent/teacher communication is vital to a child's success in school. (Hmmm...you had superior parent/teacher communication over that last years, didn't you?!)

Anonymous said...

Liz, God will bless you completely for following His call to homeschool your kids and for placing them in public school. You have done such an amazing job teaching your children. I am always so impressed after being with your kids. They each have such wonderful qualities and kind hearts that you (and Jon) have instilled in them, and I know it's because they have spent so much quality time with you. You are a wonderful mom, teacher,and wife. You are a constant encouragement to me and those around you. I know that your kids will be a shining light to all of those around them as they take this next big step into public school. Thanks for being who you are!

Angela said...

Liz you are such a wonderful mother. You are someone that I look up to and your children are so precious. They are going to be shining lights in thier school.
Excited that Dylan gets to spend some time with your kiddos!!!
And don't lie I know you love your fanny pack! :)

Sharon said...

I am now heading into my 8th year of home schooling my two daughters and I feel like I can relate to everything you said about the joys of the job! It is the biggest blessing my husband and I have received!

We have always said that it is a "semester by semester decision" that can be changed at any time, and we still stick by that philosophy. In fact, last year, as my oldest was heading into 6th grade we integrated her part-time into the local public school. She took choir, PE and the elective wheel (6 different classes throughout the year). But most importantly, she had a locker! I think that was her favorite part! She really loved having the best of both worlds, and I am really proud of the friends that she made.

The foundation that you've given your kids will serve them well. They should do great out there in the "new world!" And if not? It's not a permanent decision! Isn't that so comforting?

I really appreciate your heart, it comes through so strongly in your writing. God loves those children even more than you do (if you can fathom that!) and He will be with them all the way!

Last year was my very first back to school shopping....I think that's the best part! : ) Have fun!

Unknown said...

Liz,

I thoroughly enjoyed reading every word of this emotional blog! I teared up too, thinking of how you must be feeling and how you'll feel the morning of the first day of school. You are a strong woman and I have so much admiration for a woman who homeschools her children. It is a lot of work, but look at all the wonderful memories you have made by doing so. I was surprised to see you met such opposition with your decision to homeschool, but you overcame each obstacle and clearly did a wonderful job! I will be thinking of you next week as you send two of your precious children to public school... Oh, and I hope you enjoyed the back to school shopping!

Glory Laine said...

It's taken my awhile to post a comment on this one, mainly because I have no insight on this. And the other bloggers out there did a great job of encouraging you. So I will just end with this, when I think of where you and Jon started as parents, (so so young and so unprepared), I am in awe of your God given skills at parenting. Statically your children should be in an at-risk category. But because you two have devoted your lives, hearts, children to God .....look - just stop and look at these smart, self assured, considerate children you have been raising. Praise God. Fantastic foundation you have given them.

Michelle said...

Liz... I am kinda speachless. It sounds like your kids are amazing and that you have truly loved your time with them. That is a gift! This is our second year with kids in the public school system and I, too, would agree with Lindsay... get to know your teachers as best you can. There are great people in the schools, you just want to be proactive... and it sounds like that will be natural for you. Blessing on your family during this transition! I look forward to hear how things go tomorrow!