Painful Decision

This is even difficult for me to type.....In eight days Daniel and Sarah will go to public school. This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. In fact, up until today I have been wavering back and forth, not committing myself to this decision. But today, it is set in stone. I turned in their registration papers, their grades from the last four years of home school, achievement test scores, immunization records, and so on. Tomorrow we will do something we have never done before, go school shopping. I have to say, I feel.....well, sad. I have loved every day of homeschooling my kids (well not every day, but most days). It has been a true blessing, and I'm really having a hard time moving forward with this decision. The decision to home school in the first place came so easily, so naturally. Daniel had attended a wonderful private pre-school and kindergarten. During Christmas break of kindergarten, we had such a special time together. It felt so good to have him home with me again for the entire day. Daniel, Sarah and I baked Christmas cookies and made cards and ornaments for friends. They had so much fun getting everything ready for Christmas (my favorite time of year). As Christmas break was winding down, my sweet little five year old said, "mom, do I have to go back to school? Why can't I just stay home with you?" Well of course I told him yes, you do have to go back to school. But it was the second part of his question that kept bothering me. Why can't he stay home with me? Why are we pushing him out the door when he just wants to be with his mom and dad? What is wrong with a child wanting to spend more time with his parents? We should be embracing that. We need to be teaching him all we can while he is teachable and wants to learn from us, and while he still wants to be around us. Towards the end of kindergarten Jon and I were faced with a dilemma, his teacher recommended Daniel repeat kindergarten. And we totally agreed. Daniel was a late bloomer, a little immature for his age, and had a hard time paying attention for long periods of time. I had spent a lot of time volunteering in his class, and I saw how maturity-wise he wasn't ready for first grade, but academically he was fine. So, we made the decision to home school him for first grade. That way he could move forward academically, and just mature socially in his own time. Now, I am not your typical home school mom. First of all , I do wear make-up and I do not wear a fanny pack. Second, I have NO friends who home school. In fact, every one around me thought I was crazy. Instead of being met with support and encouragement, I was met with remarks like, "hmmm, that's interesting" or "do you have experience with childhood education?" or "how will your child socialize?" "Is that legal?" and even "children need to be in public school to be a witness and a light" and many other critical comments and questions. It's funny how when you send your little six year old off to school for 7 hours a day, no one asks you about the qualifications of his teacher or what curriculum they will be using, or why you made that decision. It's just the norm, kids go to school, and no one questions it. But when you step outside the norm, everyone has an opinion to offer. Well, no one knows a child better then his mother. I knew exactly how Daniel learned and the best ways he processed information. The rest is history, Daniel took off academically and benefited greatly from the one on one teaching. And two years later, Sarah joined our little family school, and it was completely wonderful. OK, I'm tearing up right now. The best part of the last four years was the amount of time we had together. There was no mad rush in the morning to get out the door. We usually would have a big breakfast and stay in our PJ's for quite a while. The kids would have time to read their Bibles before we started school. I loved the winters, when it was dark and rainy outside, the kids would lay on a blanket by the fire and do their work. In the spring, we would go outside and do our school work in the sun. In the fall, we would go to the pumpkin patch in the middle of a week day, and have the whole place to ourselves. Same with Omsi, The Gilbert House and Riverfront Park. There's nobody there during the week! Everyone's in school, it's great! We would go skiing on a week day, or go to the coast for a few days in the middle of the week, of course taking our school work with us. There was always time for conversation. Daniel is now ten, and in the past five years, I have been asked many startling questions, some where I tried not to let him see the panic on my face when he asked them. But you know what, he would have never been able to ask me those questions if he had been in school all day. There were so many teachable moments and meaningful conversations, and the three of us have truly bonded. I found it sad when I would hear my friends say they didn't know what to do with their kids in the summer, because they weren't used to having them home all day, every day. But at the same time I found myself envying my neighbor as I watched her leave at 8:30 am with her kids for school, and return home in a few minutes all by herself. What might that be like I would wonder. Spending all day at home by yourself? Oh the places I could go, the things I could do and accomplish! But I knew, for my kids (I don't think it's right for everyone), homeschooling was the best thing for them. I saw the benefits daily, and it was worth the sacrifice of my own social freedom. I've never had to get use to not having my kids around. They have always been with me, at the grocery store, the post office, the doctor's office, Macy's shoe department, Nordstrom's shoe department, Target, Starbuck's......wherever I go, they go. I am going to miss Daniel and Sarah come September 4th. I will miss teaching them and watching them learn. I will miss our leisurely mornings, as I know we have many hectic ones ahead. But it was a wonderful season, and I am struggling emotionally that it is ending. I wish there was some way we could go a few more years, but for many complicated reasons, we can not. My dear sister-n-law gave me some great advice, in a nutshell: "When you make a decision that's hard, you hash out the pros and cons, and ultimately base your decision on logic and what makes the most sense (and of course much prayer). But the emotions don't always follow. Give yourself time for the emotions to come around. If they don't, and your still struggling, the kids are struggling, every one's miserable, then change it. You can always change your decision again. Do what's best for your family." So we're off! The winds of change are blowing. As of today, Jon is officially a solo officer (today is his first day on his own, without a training officer!!!), the kids are enrolled in public school, and I am looking for a part-time day job so I can finally quit the restaurant business after ten years of serving late into the night. We'll see where this road takes us! Thank you to anyone who read this rambling. I think I therapeutically wrote it for myself more than anything. May God bless you and your family, and may you continue to seek out His plan for your lives, never settling for complacency. And let Him be the One who directs your paths.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight

~Proverbs 3:5,6

Art Class
P.E. ClassMusic Class
Shop Class

Cooking ClassRecess

Recess in Sunriver

Recess In The Hot Tub At The Beach
First Grade Field Trip To Alaska With Dad Field Trip To The StablesWhat a wonderful, precious time we had being home all together. I love this picture of Daniel and Olivia. I think about what it would have been like had Daniel and Sarah not been home schooled for Olivia's first two years. They would have missed out on so much. They all three have grown so close, and I'm just so thankful we were all able to spend so much time together, especially while they were little. Daniel will now be a strapping 5th grader, and Sarah a sweet and sassy 3rd grader!

Here We Go!!!