Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Re-Entry into Blog World, Take Two...

Oh boy, this is embarrassing. I just cringed as I read through my last blog post.
One of my favorite sayings is, “we judge ourselves based on our intentions, but judge others based on their actions.” So very true. Think about it.
Well, I’m asking whoever reads this to graciously judge me by my intentions. I sincerely meant every word I typed 14 months ago. I truly missed this. I honestly intended to do a simple, snap-shot blog post once a week. So, as my 13-year old son would say, “epic fail!”
So why today? Well, today is my 34th birthday. And to be honest it’s been a crappy day. I feel entitled right now to be lazy at work. It’s my birthday and people don’t know it; and they’re treating me like it’s any other day, but it’s not…darn it! :)
Anyways, I’d like to share with you a passage of scripture that I’m hereby claiming as mine for my 34th year of life:
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside.
Job 23:10-11
You see, I’m in the midst of the desert right now. I’m in a place where I can honestly say I feel there is not one person in this world who understands me, has an inkling of what I'm struggling through, or knows what's in my heart. (Dramatic? Yes. But the feeling is real, and I'm being painfully honest.). But this verse reminds me, without a shadow of a doubt, HE alone knows the way I take. HE alone sees my heart, HE alone understands where I’m at and what I’m up against. And in the midst of this difficult time, I want my feet to closely follow in His steps. I want to follow Him without turning aside. I will not comfort myself with self-pity or excuses. I will be faithful. I want to look back on this season of my life and see I came forth as gold.
When I read through the postings of this blog, it’s like I’m reading thoughts and happenings of another person’s life. It’s at times painful. I miss this past life of LizzyG. Things have changed drastically in our family. I am struggling. I am feeling alone. I am facing mountains which seem impossible to climb, and I just want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head and stay there until God makes the mountains crumble; and it’s safe to come out. But that’s not His way. And one thing this foolish 34 year old woman has learned over the years is, His way is perfect.
As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
So…back to blog world. I’m not even going to attempt to play catch up on the last 14 months. I’m simply going to start from today. My birthday. My life where it’s at right now. My kids with all their imperfections. I’m not going to try to make you believe I have it all together, I’m a flawless parent, my house is always clean, I have a fantastic job, I have a perfectly balanced life, that I rise while it’s still dark to do my morning devotions, go for a morning run, pack my kids’ lunches, put on perfectly pressed and very trendy clothes for work; and my children wake up with smiles on their faces greeting me with a kiss on the cheek while I prepare their eggs and bacon, and after our morning meal together, we all saunter out the door at 7:30 am, and sing praise songs on the way to school.
The only correct statement in the above paragraph is, “out the door by 7:30 am.” I will never confess to what happens in order to get us to that point. I’ll just hint at the fact it may involve pop-tarts, mascara being applied while driving, and my youngest arriving at school without any shoes (yes, it’s happened).


Glory Laine said...

So good to hear from you again my friend. I'd love to have a cup of joe with you and chat when we aren't hunting Christmas trees or trying to find our children or cutting out little pieces of felt. Happy Birthday Liz! 34 is going to rock!

Alyssa and Ron said...

Happy belated bday to a wonderful person. And know that you are SO FAR from being alone in your journey through life. As I read you blog I cried. I am too in this exact spot feeling many of the same things. Keep your eyes on HIM, there is no other who truly knows our heart, our intentions, desires. Love to you and I am so glad you popped back in. Love the picture.

Christi said...

Aw, Liz, you are such a refreshing person. Thank you for sharing where you are at at the moment. My devotion book today, spoken from Jesus' perspective said to "Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me." Us Americans aren't very good at accepting our neediness. Your blog in the past has been a real ministry to me so I selfishly hope it continues!

LizzyG said...

Thank you for your kind words, ladies. :)

Becca, I would love to chat over a cup of joe with you too sometime. Last Saturday was fun, and I enjoyed the snippets of conversation we were able to squeeze in…thanks!

Alyssa, thanks for your encouragement. It’s good to know my honesty and vulnerability was a blessing to you. I think we all need to be reminded of each other’s short comings once in a while. :)

Christi, I love that quote! Thank you for sharing. Yes, I will rejoice in my neediness, indeed!

You girls are awesome. Thanks!

Rachel said...

Welcome back!!! Don't read my blog...I only write about the stuff I want to remember...I block out all the actual bad stuff...like the messy kitchen, the boy who regresses in potty training, the seemingly unavoidable drama!!! :)